9:30a.m. 6 OKTOBER 2006

Tarikh bersejarah yang tidak dicatat dalam buku teks, bagi semua penduduk Tingkatan 3.
Bendera Penjajahan PMR telah diturunkan dan bermakna kami telah memperoleh kebebasan.
Darurat 'duduk rumah study' telah dibubarkan. Perjuangan bermatian-matian Dato Seri Debbie Kopi-O akan sentiasa dihargai.

huuuu..Perang PMR dah tamat!

it was great.5 minutes before the collecting of the papers, everyone in the dewan was like "cepat laa..dah gelabah nihh.." then after the last paper was collected, we all, as usual after every major exam screamed.
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today, there was somethin wrong with the comp. and i felt like it was ALL MY FAULT.
Then while my dad tried to fix it, i went into my room and cried.
yea yea small matter, but all the important docs were lost, and my dad couldn't find it.
to make maters worse, the documents were for his work stuff.
then i prayed to God for a while.
when i came out, my dad found the documents!
coincidence?
i think not.

yesterday, i couldn't find my science book for nissa.
then nissa checked in my cupboard, THOROUGHLY.

she couldn't find it, so i tot she searched UNTHOROUGHLY, so i searched THOROUGHLY.
and still, couldn't find.
then i went to the altar to get my PMR question paper( i put them there cuz i lay it down before God) while i took my paper, i whispered under my breath "God, help me out here. help me find that paper"

and then, i opened my cupboard door to take my history book.
and there it was. the science book.

i don't think i was blind.

neither was nisssa.

and its DEFINITELY NOT a coincidence.

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anyway, i've not been  bloggin for days and now here's the news.

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24th SEPTEMBER 2006

we had to attend a formal charity dinner at Crown Princess.
the FP leaders were invited.
No one told me till two days before the dinner
my dad was the one ho told me
so the leaders didn't book me at the same table.
instead i had to share a table with my grandparents and my aunt and uncle plus their family.

the FP were like crazy, as usual, using the chopsticks and glasses as drumsets, makin every event livelier than it should be.(thats why i love FP sooOOooOOooOO much)

Michelle and Eunice Seet was there!! Even Mandy was there! I didn't get their pic.
Eunice was so tall. and she's only 13!
she'd probably be taller than Alan(sorry Alana! ) when she's 17.
wow.
When Nissa and i reached, we were greeted by Unc. Daniel.
then he took us to aunty Michelle.
She didn't reconized us at first, then when she recalled, she screamed and hugged us!

I had to wear a gown there. well, its not really a gown.
It's the only decent thing i have at that time.
 
Nissa said its better for me to wear a shawl, cuz i needed to cover somethin up.
you know the sumthin.
But it turned out that i didn't even need the shawl!
that horrible shawl made me look 20 years older!

Oh yea, the city girls were there too.(did i spell it right?)

their names are chilli and tomato.
i got my picture taken with one of them.

this must be chilli, cuz she's hawt!
wonder where's the other one. she shd have a sour look on her face.

thats all for that dinner.

daymn i look oldd

yah your head!

Why does she have to force her?

If my sis don’t want to sit there, then LET IT BE.

She FORCED HER AND SHOUTED AT HER AND SHOUTED AT ME.

I AM STANDING UP FOR MY SISTERS, DAMNIT!

I’m going on without dinner.

X: go sit there.

N: I don’t want to.

X:*raising her voice* GO SIT THERE.

N: But I’m FINE here,

K: stop it la. Let’s just eat in peace. You’re just being fussy.

X: WHAT DID YOU SAY?! * slaps K’s arm*

K: I just said you’re being fussy.

X: what fussy?! I am doing this for her own good!

And there it goes, the SAME FREAKIN ‘for your own good’ thing again.

N: FINE! *stands up, slamming plate on the table* I’ll sit there!

D: why do you have to force her?

X: I’m NOT forcing her!! I just want to make her comfortable.

D: make her comfy by raising your voice at her, shouting at her, and most of all,   

     FORCING HER?! You’re so making a mountain outta molehill.

Then I took my plate, went into nissa’s room and ate.

Noe wat? I just HATE IT when someone forces ppl to do stuff.

Especially if its my sisters. I'd stand up for them.

I can't let those ppl take my sisters down like that.

Then later, she called me out.

D: I don’t wanna come out. I'm eating here!

X: you better come out of I will pack my stuff and leave!

D: FINE.

That's already reache to the point of threatening!

and she says she ISN'T FORCING.

Then we argued for some time.

Then she told us not to tell mom abt any of this thing.

We said “yah”

But, YEA RIGHT!

Yah your head lar!

Yeah rite I’ll keep it from my mom.

I’ll tell her.

She knows wat to do.

I just soooo wanna get out of this house now!

Just DAYS before my PMR and this?!

you said you don't wanna give me any problems!

yea i know it looks like a small thing, but when she started shoutin and all, in MY DAD'S house,

FORCING the kids of the man she feared,

I was like "WTH"

Are you kidding me?

why don't you FORCE my dad? huh? can't do it?

Just cuz we're underaged, doesn't mean you can just mess us around like that.

For YEARS, i've been tolerating this kinda stuff.

wtf.

I wasn't gonna let this just pass me by.

there's one thing for sure.

She can mess with otheres all around, even her husband!

but, not me.

Arhhh

I'm down wif fever now. Cuz of a certain somebody.
Why, why, why? Only gals feel this way.
Well... some.

Thinkin of him kills me right at that moment.
It literally tears my heart apart.
Geez, oh yea, I cut my hair.

FYI i didn't cut it for fun, OR some would say, attention.
It's cuz I'm downright tired of havin to spend hours infront of the mirror tryin to comb down all the kinks, early in the mornin.
and due to some stress I'm facin ryte now.

PMR is only a few weeks away, well... more likely two weeks.
I can't sudy.
he  keeps on cloggin my mind.

I can't talk to him, i can only say words to him.
We DON'T talk.
In fact, we don't even talk to each other anymore.
He's just not my "brother" anymore..
wait. NO.
he is my bro.
I'm NOT his sista no more.

I can't solve this prob wif him NOW, he's gonna be facin SPM this year!
He'd gonna face EXTRA-STRESS, if i'd actually tell him.
I'm still figuring out when or i should even tell him.

This is actually the time when my frens are suypposed to be sittin wif me cryin togehter.
Unfortuantely, they're all busy wif stuff.

LOL. noway, i didn't tell them.
yet.
naww maybe never.

Jesus is the only reason why i still can look so darn happy in public.

But when i see him i  can't help feelin all moody and sometimes gonna cry.
I'm just so tired of this.
I don't want to cry ever night for the same, damn thing.

Anddd, just when i wanted to get some sleep, he comes disturbin me in my sleep too!
Arhhhhh...!
can''t i just relax for one whole day?
Or just one hour, at least!

I just wanna complete what I'm here in this chaotic world and then I'm all done.
THEN i can go off and retire.

Someone kill me now.

goin psycho.

Pfft..

I’m in the middle of revising for PMR which is only 2 weeks ahead, and

What Ivan told me is really gotten me downright depressed.

Argh! Freak mannn.

Can’t they read?? I’m busy!

Take up English classes!

That way, they can read and learn the meanin of BUSY.

Gaahh.. Freak.

Okay, back to what I was sayin.

Ivan got me totally depressed after telling me

about some stuff, during the first day of leaders’ retreat2 2006.

Then someone said that it wasn’t true.

Okaayy, now who am I gonna believe?

And he tells me to tell Ivan to get a life and piss off.

I have enough evidence to believe what ivan said.

And I believe what ivan said, which is what I DON’T wanna believe.

Someone kill me.

Mann, I cried in the car!

And now, I’m havin some trouble about dressin up.

Are pants bad?

Spikin hair is not too bad ryte?

Caps? C’mon! they’re only accessories!

And I spend half the night crying

about the same stuff every night.

Then I go to school and do nothing but sleep,

While the teacher is ordering ppl to decorate the class for MERDEKA.

Damnit.

Damn what?

I don’t know.

Shit.

I’m going psycho now.

No, serious.

Half the time I feel like laughin my head off

and half the time I feel like I wanna die.

Shit.

I’m gonna go to my room to sleep now.

Wait. No. cry,

Yea.

my darlin' I miss you

I'm sad.

That's why it's rainin.

It was rainin really really heavily that day.

and to add the prob,

nissa told me some stuff some guy told her.

it was horrible

i didn't get sleep for half of the night.

i cried for half the night.

my darlin'
I miss you

still you said forever
and ever